The Abbey

[Outisakanobody]

"Sister. You have punished yourself enough already. You have no reason to fear my reaction. I am here to help you heal, after all." Grace insisted, dipping her hands in salve and spreading it across Toast's back. Against her wishes, Grace did use some of her magic. It would help take the pain away, and lessen the scaring. More then likely, Toast would never find out. Hopefully.

[rosallora]

[Toustain]

She is defeated. She must obey orders. Good vestals do as their abbess asks.

"I gave my devotion to someone other than the Goddess." It's a whisper. She doesn't attempt to qualify it, doesn't try to explain. She just lets her own condemnation rest in the air.

[Outisakanobody]

"Meaning...what exactly?" Grace asked, not fully understanding. She had some ideas, but didn't want to make assumptions...

[rosallora]

[Toustain]

"I loved." The word warbles from her lips and she feels tears coming again, hot. Her shoulders shake and tense, her lungs draw breath and she trembles with the uneven experience of inhalation. She loved. She loved Roard. She cared for him so deeply, she wanted him to be alright. She was loyal to him, even when his path was dirtied with necromatic magic. She lied to Grace about his identity. He was gentle to her, a friend. And she knows now that being a friend is loving someone, and loving someone is of course forbidden. For her own sake. For the Flame's sake.

She dissolves into messy, uncontrollable sobbing.

[Outisakanobody]

Grace sighed. Clearly now wasn't the time to get the details for this. For now, she'd focus on making her feel better.

"Easy now. I am sorry for asking. Try to relax instead." she said gently, continuing to spread the cream and use her magic.

[rosallora]

[Toustain]

She continues to cry for a minute, trying to get herself under control and failing to do so. She tries again and again, but she can't get the tears to stop coming. Eventually she can't breathe out of her nose because of the snot, and she tries not to rub her disgusting face on Grace's blanket. Her voice comes back to her, thick and sluggish.

"Yes, abbess," she sniffles. She shouldn't call Grace by name. She shouldn't... she shouldn't. There's so many shouldn'ts ringing in her mind now, a thousand alarm bells that she doesn't have time for. "I'll be better... I promise."

[Outisakanobody]

Grace takes a moment to wipe Toast's face with a bandage. She'd done far worse in her time as a medic. Cleaning ragged stumps of limbs and puss-filled wounds. This was nothing.

"Cry as much as you like. Do not hold anything back." she reassured, rinsing her hands and getting back to the rubbing. She wanted to make sure she did a thorough job and covered every cut. Lest her friend succumb to some awful infection.

[rosallora]

[Toustain]

She feels pitiful snuffling into the blanket and the rag that Grace offers her. But eventually she calms, falling into an almost catatonic state. The salve glides over her skin in a thick layer, protecting her from infection. And the words that echo in her head, simple and treacherous, are... is this love?

She wants to reach out. She wants to hold Grace's hand, she wants to feel the warmth of care from another person. But the Flame should provide all she needed. Vesta should be the only comfort she requires. Even a servant of Vesta was not the goddess herself.

Toustain closes her eyes, the tears slowly making their way down her face in well-worn paths.

[Outisakanobody]

"Sit up for me, so I can wrap the bandages." Grace commands, not wanting to push Toast to hard, too fast. She had important work to finish first anyway.

[rosallora]

[Toustain]

She obeys. She has to. She braces with her hands against the bed and her back screams in protest, pain pulsing through the lacerations she had made. But with a pant and a groan, she does it. She sits there, and then raises her arms a bit to make it easier for Grace. "I will... have to wear them a while."

[Outisakanobody]

"Mmhmm. We shall be changing them daily. And no strenuous activity of any kind." Grace said matter-of-factly as she wound the cloth around and around Toast's torso, working quickly and efficiently, showing her skills as a caregiver.

[rosallora]

[Toustain]

"My leg is already keeping me from that," she murmurs, and again there is that air of defeat. She blinks. "...What tasks can I still carry out, abbess. I need to be useful to the church." The feeling of cloth is comforting in its own way. It covers her chest, part of her stomach, and even her shoulders to an extent as Grace winds it over her, covering what needs to be covered. It feels like its own kind of armor.

[Outisakanobody]

"We can talk about that later." Grace shushed, finishing up with the bandages. "How is that? Not too tight?" she asked, lightly running her hands up Toast's sides to make sure she had layered the strips properly.

[rosallora]

[Toustain]

She is tender with her, handling her like she was going to break.

Is she going to break?

"It feels secure." She looks out Grace's window. "It isn't good to sleep right now. In the middle of the day." She's so tired. She wants to sleep forever. She shouldn't have mentioned sleeping but it's the only action that she feels she can take now, the only thing that can properly swallow her up and give her to the oblivion she craves.

[Outisakanobody]

Grace took a deep breath, then moved around to the sit in front of Toast. "Sister...Toast...I can heal the wounds on your back, but I feel...you are carrying scars elsewhere as well. And it pains me to see you this way. As if I took all those lashes with you, to my heart." Emotion welled up in the younger woman, and she leaned forward to wrap her friend in a tight, careful hug to avoid touching her back. "You think this...this is what you deserve, but it is not true. No matter what you may have done, you deserve to be happy, Toast. And you deserve to be loved too."